Having swallowed enough bitters,
beer just doesn’t pump up the fellas.
Their bellies already bang,
hang low and on empty,
threatening weakened legs.
Beer firms belch distress.
The bonanza is bust.
Their fine, formerly Canadian brew
needs it’s formula renewed.
Spirit enhancers would do it:
Like fortune cookies,
with diverse, uplifting sayings,
that speak to adversity, in the capitalist way.
“Drink up! Tomorrow’s another day!”
New flavours would round out the offering,
carefully speaking to
the hopelessness of the persistently underemployed;
the entitlement of the bailout crew;
and the rosy view of the oblivious.
Something like “Crab-apple Delight”
would get ’em drinking again.
And if all that fails,
just drive along the employment line with kegs
offering free sips to those mature enough to relish the gesture
and repay the kindness with their first EI cheques.